My trip home to CA was an enormous blessing from God. It comforted and rejuvenated me. I reconnected with my dear sweet friends and they poured love into my soul. My eyes well with tears of gratitude as I write because I'm just so incredibly thankful for my family and friends. Thank you, thank you, thank you, you guys. You mean so much to me.
Thank you for making my visit home wonderful.It came at such a perfect time and I cannot begin to describe my excitement for it.I continuously thank God for such lovely friendships.Even though I didn’t see some people, your thoughts, prayers and encouragement mean so much to me.It had been since April, almost 6 months that I had been home.My NY friendships are certainly developing into deeper more vulnerable relationships, but there’s something about coming ‘home.’It’s a place of genuine comfort where I’ve been known for so long and loved, despite my flaws and shortcomings.You guys scooped me up and I felt your embrace of love.Thank you for your listening ears, for allowing me to cry on your shoulders, and definitely, for all the laughter and fun times.I had so much fun that I kept encouraging myself to persevere, “It’s ok, I’ll sleep on the plane.”Haha.
Having so much fun, I was truly considering moving back home to CA, especially since I felt such a deep yearning for my CA family when I was still in NY and anticipating my trip home to CA.I felt like nothing would take the place of ‘home.’And I was right.I felt loved.I was a deflated icing bag and you guys filled it with sweet warm gooeyness.I came back to NY refreshed, armed with joy and confidence.There’s something about having such a strong support system.It makes me feel grounded.
Why would I want to be so far away from my wonderful support system???
A couple of months ago, I had bought a one way ticket to LA for the end of Dec, but still hadn’t bought a returning tix from LA to NY.I wasn’t sure.But a few days before my wonderful trip came to an end and I had to go back to dirty, stinky, crowded and lonely NYC, I received an email from a company that I had been waiting on for a job for so long that I had given up on it.From the time that I had my first interview, then second, then budget talks, then negotiations, etc, they were taking so long that even after their email with the official job offer, I still didn’t believe I had the job.“When I’m sitting in that desk, receiving pay checks from them, then I’ll believe it.”But believe it, because I started this week and so far it’s been good and I’m excited about what I can do for this company.
I just finished off two large pieces of cake from two different yummy birthday cakes, all while chatting with Nicole and reading a hilarious email forward. Where am I? At work! Is this what it's like to work a desk job? What was I doing slaving all day on my feet, swallowing my lunch down during short lunch breaks, playing mediator between who hit who first, when I could've been celebrating co-workers' birthdays during the workday?
About a month ago, I got a full time job!!!...as a...receptionist! lol, exciting huh?
For those of you who are on Facebook, you may have noticed I posted a bunch of pictures. And I've updated this blog, complete with pictures and colors. This is due to the 7 hours I daily spend in front of the computer, with acess to tempermental internet. My job description: answer the phone, transfer calls, maintain the floor's kitchen and schedule appointments.
This may sound like a horribly boring job to many of you, but I LOVE it!
I actually spend a nice percentage of the day making social plans, emailing, gchatting, FBing, taking care of bridesmaid and maid of honor duties and chit chatting w my 2 coworkers. They're also female 20 somethings, so we have a lot in common. We share snacks, shop online, watch youtube and look for recipes.
Never mind that this receptionist job is a crazy pay cut from teaching, I'm getting office experience to put on my resume! And to think, this company went out on a limb to hire me too! Those employers that don't know much about academia have such little regard for educators and their abilities. Who knew that my teaching experience would be a hinderance to be a professional paper pusher! All I want is to be an assistant at a publishing company. (sigh) I guess all in God's timing.
However, it's quite refreshing to work somewhere where there isn't so much liability and responsibility. I carried such heavy burdens for my students and brought so much work home with me. Now as soon as 5:30 hits, I'm out!
I know someone that just moved here for the challenge of finding publishing work in nyc. She worked in publishing in San Francisco for a short while and upon arriving was quite agressive with her search, maybe even more than me. Like me, she hit the ground running, networking, going on a bunch of informational interviews, etc. But unlike me, she has publishing experience and the interviewers really liked her and told her they would love to hire her and would try to get her into the company. Well guess what...she didn't find work either!! If she can't, then how can I? Times are tough, man! I regularly read online about publishing company sales dipping, lay offs, declines, blah blah blah.
God's slowly changing my heart. My disappointment definitely isn't as heavy anymore and I'm feeling somewhat peaceful and content and hopeful. I've been studying James 1 with my small group and it's fitting. My 6 month anniversary just passed a few days ago and I am so grateful that I took that leap of faith to come here. I miss CA and family and friends so much, but God has blessed me here with a good church, nice friends, two great apartments and wonderful roommates.
There's something about this growing experience that I'm going through, living and trying to make it in nyc, being independent and relying on God to provide for me. I have no doubt that it was in God's plan for me to come out here. I wouldn't be growing if I were in CA. He's teaching me about trusting Him and that my constant worry and stress is a sign that I question His plan. He's also showing me what it means to completely surrender my life to HIm, something I don't want to do. Yes, I know God knows what's good for me and wants me to live a good and exciting life. Yes, I know that only the Truth in Him will bring eternal joy. But knowing and doing are very different. That one day when we meet, I hope that He will know me. Matt 7:21-23.
In January 09, when I decided to move to nyc, I knew the apartment lease would end on Aug 1. So my earliest return to CA could be August, but after being here for five months, I’m not finished with my nyc adventure yet and want to continue my love-hate relationship with the city. Although I miss CA and all my family and friends so so much, I’ve decided to stay here at least until December. Especially since I still haven’t found something in publishing, I feel like nothing’s really holding me here. Shhhh…wanna know a secret? Don’t tell anyone but, now that I’ve been away for this long, I’m almost hoping nothing will come through and tie me down. That way, I can come back to CA next year. But in the meantime, I explored my housing options and looked at a few different apartments. I felt very blessed that God provided me with so many choices because at one point, my roommate and I were worried that we’d be homeless.
Finally I narrowed it down to two:
current place: -AWESOME apt and location (clean, spacious, safe, nice, beautiful, etc) - I love it -cheaper if I stay only thru jan 2010 -eaiser, don’t have to move -have to go through trouble w/ finding a 3rd roommate (the one that I share room w/ is moving out) -unknown what my 3rd roommate will be like -most people I know live closer to here
new place: -hassle to move, including moving expenses -cheaper if only I stay beyond Jan -I’d be rooming w/ Y (from CMA) and Carol. We have so many mutual CA and NY friends and so many people have told me it’ll probably be fun and would have good community. -location is only ok, it may slightly hinder my social life at night if I don’t feel comfy taking the train home at night and would have to pay for taxi. but during the day, I’d get to explore a new neighborhood
After great comtemplation, I decided to…drumroll…move! It was definitely an experience. I would never wish upon anyone to move during a thuderstorm! Imagine wearing rainboots to stay dry, but getting sticky and sweaty from heavy humidity. Luckily my old apartment building had an awning, so my things didn’t get really wet as we loaded into the rented U-Haul cargo van. And my new apartment is on the first floor, so unloading was very quick. Thank God for the very kind friends who helped me!
I haven’t run in over a week because about 1 1/2 weeks ago I woke up one morning with a bug bite near my akilies tendon and a small bump near the bite. Over the next few days, the bump grew until my entire foot swelled and the swelling started to proceed past my ankle toward my lower calf. My ankle bone disappeared and it itched like crazy. Every time I looked down to scratch, I was reminded of a beautiful red elephant leg. Every night before falling asleep, elevated my foot and iced it. I was popping Benadryls in case of the swelling was a reaction to the bite and I was popping Ibroffen in case the swelling was from walking too much in cute lil sandals. Vanity is painful, isn’t it? Getting to the doctor’s office was another adventure. I came straight from work and had a few empty paper boxes to use for moving. Picture me looking for the office while juggling the boxes, my purse and another tote bag. Oh and did I mention during a storm? So yes, I was also holding an umbrella, too. UGH! This would never happen in CA because I’d be in the comfort of a car with my boxes and bags sitting nicely in the trunk! The office was only within 5 minutes walking distance but I decided to hail a cab. I could barely walk because my wet feet were slipping in my wet sandals. It was disgusting to step into ankle deep nyc rain water to get into the cab. And of course I needed to point out to the cabbie that he drove past the office. He apologizes profusely and reversed as much as possible, but the point was I paid for door to door service. And of course it would happen that on the day of my doctor appointment, the swelling goes down and my ankle bone begins to materialize. But I show the doctor pictures of elephant leg and even she is surprised. I was also happy to see that she was clean enough to use hand sanitizing gel after she handled my nyc rain water soaked feet. My diagnosis? A very very bad reaction to the bug/spider bite. To quote Mary, “Dang New York bugs!”
I went Florida to help take care of a two yr old cousin and his five month old baby brother. I had such a lovely time that for the following 1 1/2 weeks afterwards, I missed CA so much. I’m going through a bad withdrawl of the beach since I’m experiencing summer in a concrete jungle. Imagine how high my heart leapt with happiness in the car ride from the airport when I saw white fluffy clouds, a large sparkling blue body of water and friendly palm trees waving hello to me in the breeze. For the past 4-5 years, my family has taken a trip to Hawaii during the summer. My trip to Florida this year took the place of Hawaii. We had a 2 bedroom condo right by the water with a gorgeous view from the balcony. We basically did the same normal things: lounge around, swim, sunbathe, eat and netflix DVDS (Breaking Bad).
It was great to be with family, especially the two little boys. The two year old, Sebastien, has so much energy and all I wanted him to do was hang out with me. So I kept bribing him, “Sebastien, come outside. Sit on the balcony with me. You want me to read Trucks?” waving his favorite new picturebook in the air. “Look Sebastien, I have grapes, too. Come outside and look at the birdies and planes.” His mom and I also attacked the poor little guy and pasted fake tatoos all over his chest, then proceeded to take thug pictures of him. “Sebastien, stand still. Sebastien, make a mean face. Look over there. Look at me.” I was in such a blissful state that I even slept through wall shattering thunderstorms.
We rented a van and drove 5-6 hours up to Canada. How lovely it is to escape the dirty, noisy, crowded city to a beautiful, quaint clean city full of food. What did we do up there? Have fun, take TONS of pictures and EAT. Started with a breakfast of pastries and bagels, snack at Tim Hortons, lunch at Vietnamese (my taste buds were elated to taste a piece of home), another snack at Second Cup coffee shop, another snack at Schwartz’s for the BEST smoked brisket, ice cream for dessert and last snack of poutine (Canadian dish of fries, cheese curds and gravy YUM). In between all the eating we took pictures, rode bikes, toured McGill University, got stranded both at McGill and Second Cup because of thunderstorms. We got so ansty to leave that we resorted to using newspapers to try to stay dry. Did it work? Duh! NO! Papers are not waterproof! We were not thinking with our brains, but with our stomachs. I’m ashamed to say that we got so desperate, we each bought bright yellow ponchos and wore them like dorky tourists, only to realize that we had just 2 more blocks to walk.
The entire West Side Highway was closed down and people from all over poured into Manhattan to watch the Macy’s fireworks show. There were so many people, it reminded me of scenes of large masses people being evacutated out of the city, like in I Am Legend or Independence Day. It was kinda scary. Big crowds make me think terrorists will take the chance to kill off many people at once. Cops were stationed all over the highway and guarding street intersections to limit the number of people on the highway. We were being herded like sheep and directed to the many other highway entrances. I think I was at the 54th entrance. People were trying to force their way in because no one trek to another another entrace. Families tried to pushed their way in, claiming that they had to get to their daughter or aunt or son or grandma on the other side of the gate. Then I hear a commotion, “Vanessa’s here! Vanessa, over here! Vanessa, can you get me in? Vanessa, when you gonna be on Dancing with the Stars?” It’s Vanessa Williams and she looks gorgeous! And of course, the cops part the gates and she and entourage get in without any trouble.
After hiking from my apt at 56th st up to 59th, back down to 54th, then up to 72nd, I finally get in and find my friends. It was strange to be hanging out on the highway, when normally if I’m on it, it’s full of cars whizzing by. The fireworks show was amazing! It was so good that people kept saying, “Wow! Ok, this must be the finale now.” I love fireworks and get so emotional watching them. I held a moment of silence, remembering the fantastic 2008 July 4th party with the slip and slide and clubbing under the fireworks, but how wonderful it is for new memories with new friends. Happy Birthday, America!
Free live Shakespeare plays during the summer in Central Park. Past stars include Melanie Griffith, Jeff Goldblum. This year, Anne Hathway!! There are a few ways to get tickets. Since I had an entire day off, I took advantage of it and woke up at 5:30am (!!) to wait in line. My reasoning: if I’m going to wake up super early for free tickets, might as well make it worth it and not risk not getting tickets. Hey, what’s another 30 minutes of sleep if it means losing my chance to see Anne Hathway live?
A teacher friend of mine, Debbie, and I got in line by 6ish and were probably the first 70 people. The two girls in front of us, veterans at Shakespeare in the park, told us since we were so close to the front of the line, we were guaranteed tickets. Yay! We settled in and prepared for a good several hours. First laid down plastic bags to keep the dew from seeping through, then towels for cushion, apply bug spray and sunscreen, Starbucks breakfast sandwiches and finally…naptime. I got such good sleep that I joked about coming out early again the next day for another nap and charging someone for the tickets. By 7:30 the line had grown so long and the people who arrived after that were most likely not going to get tickets. There was an enormous group of about 60 teenagers from a summer day camp, under their EZ Up Tent. I’d hate to be the suckers waiting in line behind them. There are strict rules to waiting in line: No leaving the line for anything (not to go home to nap, not for a Starbucks run, nothing), the only exceptions: to use the one and only designated restrooms and cafe. No saving spots, no switching out people. You may have friends come meet you in line to hang out, but when time comes to get your ticket, the friends must step out of line.
Happy moment at 1pm when Debbie and I had the highly coveted tickets in our hands and went home to nap! The forecast? Rain! And the amphitheater is outside. We brainstormed: rainboots and homemade ponchos out of trashbags complete with armsholes but luckily, it stopped raining 30 minutes before showtime.
Happy Ending: It was well worth waking up early to see the talented cast, including Anne Hathway, perform Twelfth Night. Soo good!!
More recently, just this past weekend, I had a superb time, enjoying a few freebies. I went to the Book Expo America on Saturday and got so many free books, that the next day my shoulders were sore from carrying the heavy bags around. Then on Sunday afternoon, a friend, Kristy, and I stood in line for about 1 ½ hours for a free Hillsongs concert, lead by Darlene Zschech, at a church called Brooklyn Tabernacle. The church is huge and beautiful and I definitely want to go back to experience their worship choir, which has won several awards. I was blessed by Hillsong’s worship and thought of you, Elaine. Unfortunately, I did start to fall asleep once during prayer, because the night before, I was hanging out late with friends, eating Korean food and I didn’t get to bed til 5:44 am.
A rare occurrence this weekend was I rode in a car twice! It was a beautiful sunny day and 3 other girls, including Kristy, (all coincidentally from So Cal) enjoyed the gorgeous sights of the city from the West End highway as we drove down to Soho for some girl bonding over shopping. We had the radio turned up and were dancing and so happy to be with each other. The 2nd car ride was because I ran into another friend at the Hillsongs concert and got a car ride home. Again, we soaked in the gorgeous sights, as we drove over the Hudson River on the Manhattan bridge, between the Queensboro bridge and Brooklyn bridge. This time, it was the city lights against the dark night sky. Kristy and I were so happily tired from such a special day.
Now Monday arrives and most people “have a case of the Mondays” (I love Office Space) because they must return to work. I can relate to that awful feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I felt that heavy brick for the past several years. My new case of the Mondays is by far not as bad as what I previously felt. Since most people go to work, my Mondays are quiet. After such a high from fun weekends, the quiet can be somewhat somber and lonely as I’m reminded of worries and frustrations. But then I remember that downtime is very necessary to reflect and spend time with God and I’m grateful for the rest. For the past 3 weeks, I have done almost nothing with my job search, due to being sick, busy with temp work, Alex’s visit, but mostly because I am discouraged and just fed up. It is so hard to stay faithful. God is teaching me to trust Him because I sometimes get impatient and even angry with Him. I took a leap of faith to leave my life in beautiful California and realize I expected His rewards to pour in rather quickly. In 11 days, it will mark my one year anniversary of my last day at Monroe Elementary. UNBELIEVEABLE. One Year. I am still amazed that it’s been one year. One year of job searching, researching, skills improvement, emailing, networking, etc…In the past 3 weeks, I’ve turned on my computer to sit down to apply to some jobs and it’s almost a physical reaction. My brain and hands cannot write another cover letter that will most likely lead to nothing and tears of discouragement or anger well in my eyes.
Another concern is apartment hunting. My lease ends in less than 2 months and one of my roommates, Jeananne, and I are looking together. We have a few options that we’ve been exploring. Ideally, I’d love to stay exactly where I am. For those of you who have been able to visit, it’s such a great place, right? It’s spacious and affordable (according to NY standards), clean, cockroach-free (haha) with a gorgeous view and very convenient, being that it’s close to many subway stops. What makes apartment hunting difficult is not having a job. Obviously without an income, I can’t make rent, but also without a pay stub, I can’t be on a lease. I don’t have the freedom to rent where ever I’d like, I need to depend on someone who can be on the lease. I have a roommate and a place, but I need a person that makes enough to be on the lease.
God is teaching me to trust and not worry. I worry too much and He’s revealed to me that in the past He has worked everything out. He showed me that my past concerns that were all consuming were eventually answered.
I hadn't eaten since 10:30 am and it was almost 8 at night. I had been busy all day and although I had made some chicken pasta, I couldn't eat it. I had put it in a plastic container and shoved it in my purse around 5:30pm. But I was at a career workshop and had stupidly decided to sit near the front. So I didn't want to be rude and take out my dinner. My interpretation of "Money burns a hole in your pocket" was "Chicken pasta dinner burning a hole in my purse." The workshop ran a little over and I had been looking forward to eating afterwards, but I couldn't because I had to meet some friends to see some other friends in a music performance. GRRR! I was soo hungry! :( My stomach was eating itself. To add to the frustration, I (along with the other attendees) COULD NOT find our way out of the building. It was soo strange and annoying. The UP and DOWN stairs were not next to each other, so we could see the UP stairs that we took, but could not find the DOWN. FINALLY I found my way out towards the lobby and I was running so late for the show! Walking out, I passed the front desk and spied the same platter of cookies that I had seen on my way in, but the platter was more empty and many cookies had been eaten during the time that I was in the career workshop. To me that meant: The food had very recently been eaten and it was safe. Did I take a cookie? No, because next to it was a box of pizza! I glanced around (no one in sight) and opened the box. Half a pizza left with a variety of toppings!! Some cheese only, some pepperoni, some veggie with artichokes!! YUM!! "Should I? No...but I'm starving and I love pizza!" Haha, I took a slice of cheese pizza. I wanted the veggie, but the veggies were messy and I couldn't eat and run with it (disadvantages of not being able to eat quickly). I hesitated a sec to just pick off a fat piece of artichoke, but out of the corner of my eye, saw a man approach and rushed off before he could ask me what the heck I was doing. As I was speed walking to the subway station, I kept thinking of my sister's warning, "Be careful! Wash your hands to prevent contracting swine flu!" Haha, this was beyond washing my hands! BUT...the pizza HAD to be safe because cookies sitting right next to the pizza box had been eaten, so it wasn't like this supply of food was being used as a science experiment and was contaminated with chemicals...right? Well, it's been a few days and I feel fine...except I've been plagued with this insatiable appetite. OMG!! I just realized, did I eat a tapeworm?!
So at church, I loved the song by David Crowder. “Come to the water's edge...” It brought tears to my eyes because on the way to church, I was REALLY wishing that I was heading to Evergreen. I missed my friends, but Jesus is my friend. Thank you, Jesus! Yes I'm thirsty for You. You who doesn't change, who is the same in LA and NY, You pursue me out of pure love. And what am I going to do about that?
The fool builds house on sand, wise man on rock. The fool may be a Christian, contrary to my instinctive image of the fool. The fool can be someone who knows and loves God, who attends church, has fellowship, does good and listens to sermons, but does nothing. That's me, I'm a fool. What do I do?? I've done nothing. I'm a fool. Wow, realizing that was a big. Lord, I don't want to be a fool. If I fill my days to try to be a wise woman, I will not obsessively stress over life: finding work, depleting my savings, plaguing people to be my friend...
I've been angry at God because I'm convinced I obeyed Him and took a leap of faith to quit my teaching job and move to NY to pursue employment in publishing. I expected Him to reward me. I'm learning 'patience' in a new light. "His timing, not my timing" has new meaning to me.
Mary called me this Saturday, immediately after a very upsetting morning and He spoke to me through her. In the past couple of months, I've thankfully have had several interviews. (Yay!) But in my conversation with Mary, I realized that every time I've an interview, I put soo much pressure on myself thinking, "Ok, Amanda, this is it! You're going to get a job! You need to ace this interview!" I get so excited and wound up. Obviously, I haven't landed a job yet and I was feeling very discouraged, asking myself, what's the point of all this?! But those jobs were not meant for me. God's plan doesn't include those positions and He is allowing me to practice interviewing. I need to let go and trust God that He has not left me.
Before I left NY, I was reluctant to be gone for so long. Over a week in CA! I already missed NY and wished I wasn't going to be gone for so long. I had to tell some NY people that I couldn't hang out w/ them until my return. I'm actually quite surprised that I made the few friends that I've made this quickly. After being in NY for about a month, I was starting to really enjoy it. When vacationing, I sometimes feel like I have to cram soo much into just a few days. However, I feel like I've been leisurely vacationing this past month (partly thanks to being unemployed), exploring the sights and eating my way through the city.
BUT...after being in CA for a week, I couldn't bring myself to even imagine going back to NY, to the loneliness, to the feeling of lack of support from not having a community here. I enjoyed many beer commercial moments in CA. Bike riding at Huntington Beach was awesome. Balboa Island was beautiful, singing “Part of Your World” from Little Mermaid at Elvis karaoke, spring rolls at OC dinner (I did the dishes, of course), Taiwanese slush at Class 302, running on the streets of Arcadia and Pasadena, being in a car(!), learning about prayer at small group, catching up with friends at Bodega Wine Bar, playing with my baby cousin and his new baby brother, dining at Lawry's with family and enjoying delicious homemade Vietnamese food. I even said good bye to my dry cleaning lady too. Last month when I was leaving LA, I knew in the back of my mind that I'd be back in about 30 days. It seemed a bit temporary. But this time, it's much more permanent. I'm bringing over the rest of my belongings, including my summer clothes. Why did you guys make my visit so fun?! How am I going to leave? I'm going to miss everyone so much. Do I have to start over in NY again? If this trip to LA did anything, it confirmed my desire to stay away from CA for only a short while.
I hadn't realized this, but getting picked up from the airport is really nice! On my return back to NY, I waited over an hour for the shuttle to arrive and coldly drop me off on the curb in front of my building. It was such a lonely feeling, compared to the week before when Alex picked me up within minutes of getting my luggage and his warm reception.
The saving grace was knowing that Pearlin and John were already here in NY. And then a few days after their departure, my former coworkers from Monroe would arrive. It was a nice way to ease back into the city. It was so nice to have them here. It's great to have LA people see my NY life. It helps with staying connected. I feel as if I stay connected as much as possible, it will help the transition and the move back to LA. Ha ha, I'm already thinking of moving back. That's me. LOVE traveling, but LOVE being “home,” wherever home may be.
It was wonderful!! All the participants agreed that it was such an awesome experience. There were about 20 of us and we're all FB friends now. We all were so thankful to be able to attend and so grateful to be on the receiving end of such great efforts. The staff put soo much work into it. It was informative, organized, fun, encouraging, energizing and a confirmation that I want to go into publishing. (And they feed us soo well! I did not know the feeling of hunger throughout the couple of days there.) I learned about the various departments of publishing and got to speak with people that do what I want to do. I hadn't given much thought to working with a Christian publishing company, but being there, it was quite refreshing to be with people who share the same foundation. It's awesome to pray together with co-workers. To be able to gathering for prayer with my professional peers would be really cool! Praise God for such an amazing opportunity. It really inspired me.
I sure am enjoying myself here in NYC. I'm loving the fact that I'm getting my down time because I don't have many commitments, not very involved in extracurricular activities and don't have that many friends yet. And for sure I'm getting out, too. It's spontaneous hanging out. There's practically a chance to go out every day! I've met so many nice people and I get along well with my roommate. My apartment is nice and clean and I love the view from my window. I feel so thankful.
Tearful moments of missing LA have been replaced by a heavy brick of worry in my stomach. In the mornings, I lie in bed for a few minutes stressing over the fact that I don't have an income. Every time I hand over cash or my card, I feel a nagging feeling. Money going out, none coming in. Sigh...
When friends talk about their incompetent co-workers, I think, “What? How did that person get a job and I don't have one?!” There are so many idiots out there that have jobs, how do I not have one? What good is my degree? What good is my teaching credential? They're good for nothings. Yes, I know it all: it will happen, give it time, God provides, it's the economy, the publishing industry is struggling right now, blah blah.. blah blah...blah blah.
Does God just want my professional life to always be a thorn in my side? I don't know many of my friends who have had such frustrating professional paths. I have these professional dreams and I want to achieve them. That's not too much to ask for. I don't want celebrity status or a Bentley. I don't want to become a duchess or own my own island. I'm not a murderer or a burglar. All I want is a freakin job. Am I doing something wrong? Am I not aggressive enough? Is it my resume? Augh! Some days I just want to chuck my laptop across the room. It takes so much to be persistent and to keep on trekking. Well, if anything, I know I went broke enjoying myself in NYC. I'll look back knowing I got to live in such an awesome city for awhile.
Today I went to the library for internet. I sat down at the only table with outlets, meant for computer usage. It fit four people and I was the 4th person. I was using a paper and pencil calendar and was also using my laptop. A guy diagonal from me said, “Interesting how with all this technology, we still sometimes use the traditional calendars.” I had various ways I could've responded and decided to be a bit conversational by saying, “Yes, it's a calendar that teachers use." Apparently that was an open invitation to converse for an indefinite amount of time. He proceeded to continuously bother me by making random comments about random things. He even showed me his computer screen and wanted me to look at some picture of some guy holding a bag of money. “Who cares!” I thought. About 30 minutes pass and the man sitting next to me got up and left. So Diagonal Guy started to shove his laptop over to the empty space (to be able to sit next to me), just at the same time, a new person was going to sit down and take the empty spot. Diagonal Guy said, “Oh I'm going to sit there.” I was quickly trying to think of something to say, (anything!), to get the new person to take the seat and prevent the Diagonal Guy from sitting next to me. I was trying to channel my thoughts: NO, SIT HERE! PLEASE! PROTECT ME! Unfortunately, my mind was too slow to think of something appropriate enough to say aloud and Diagonal Guy sat down next to me. He assumed I was a teacher and asked me more annoying questions.
About 20 minutes pass. He asked, “How long you going to be here? Want to have some coffee after this?”
“No.”
He pressed further, “Then where do you want to go?”
OMG!! At that moment he earned the name “Creepy.” What part of 'no' did he not understand?
I said, “No where. I don't want to go anywhere with you.”
Quiet. Then he said, “Wow, that's a dis.”
Me, “Well, I just want to be straight forward.”
Quiet. Then he was pissed. Angry mumblings from him, “I used to be a DJ in Spain. I don't need advice on how to date. Blah blah blah...Do you know who I am?”
Many minutes pass.
I was snacking on crackers. He says, “Those are crackers, huh? They're healthy, huh? But a little salty?” OMG, he's watching me! That's when I realized he can see my computer screen. My resume's up and he can see my full name, address, phone number, my friends' names (I'm on gmail, too)...3 weeks in NY and I found myself a stalker?! Should I leave? NO! I came here to do some work and I'm gonna do some work, dangit! I'm not gonna let some creep chase me away.
Time passed and I was getting work done. Still, my mind was thinking. I was really hoping someone I knew would walk by. Haha, what are the chances of that, being that I barely know that many people here. I even texted one of my friends to see if he was nearby, no such luck. Since I had eaten crackers, I guess was subconsciously kinda running my tongue along my teeth and he leaned over, “Something wrong with your tongue?” EW!! It had been a good 30 minutes and after all that time, he was STILL watching me?!
Later, when I was telling this story to my roommate, she asked me, why didn't you say really loudly, “Leave me alone! I have a boyfriend!” Gee, what a good idea! Why the heck didn't I think of that? Idk! haha
Later, Creepy spied another girl at the table next to us and got up to talk to her twice. She smiled and they had a nice conversations in Spanish. WTH? How come he has to be Creepy with me? And normal with her? Do I just bring it out in people?
About an hour or two later, the library made the announcement that they were going to close. I decided to leave when there were still people around and the library wasn't deserted yet. So I packed up and booked it out of there. Funny thing is there are soo many people walking around in the streets. Nothing to be worried about. I got home ok and there haven't been any suspicious activity in the past few days. Whew...sigh of relief.
I responded to a Craig's List posting, looking for a tutor. The guy is from Florida, but living in Scotland with his wife and children. His 14 year old son was going to be in the states for a month. He wanted me to tutor him in English, Math and Physics, one hour, three times a week, for one month. We corresponded about three times and in each of his emails, his grammar got noticeably worse and worse. Dude, I'll throw in a bonus and tutor you and your son! Haha. I emailed him my tutor rates and he agreed to pay me up front for one month. I found it a bit strange to commit for one month even before one session. He barely asked me questions about academics and seemed to not care that I told him TWICE that I specialize in only english and math. Another strange thing, he was going to have a third party pay me. Per his instuctions, I was to use the money to purchase materials, then return left over money to his child's nanny. What?! I did not understand, especially with his poor grammar, it was so confusing. So the last correspondence was my email sent to him stating that typically I tutor one session, before we commit to any long term arrangements and pay is normally bi-weekly, instead of monthly. Plus I asked for clarification on his strange method of payment. Never heard from him again.
Guess what? It's a scam! The link below describes the scam to the exact details! Scroll down to #4 to see the email that I received.
I went to Brooklyn with my roommate and her friend. Hmm...you think it'd be ok if I started calling her my friend too? Brooklyn's different from the city. It's cute. It's a bit quieter, more residential areas, less tall buildings, more brownstones. People talk about this energy in the city (where I live) and it's true. The streets are noisy with traffic and the sidewalks full of people walking hurriedly. It's cool, but it's very nice to get away. I'm think I'm a suburbs girl at heart. We just walked around, window shopped. Stupidly, we had some fro-yo. After that, we walked outside and it was so cold, I thought my head was going to explode. Seriously, some of you may not understand that feeling, but my roommate did. We walked to S'Nice (sandwich/bakery/coffee shop), in search of warm drinks. I had some hot apple cider and it was wonderful. It thawed out my limbs.
Then we went to Target. There aren't any in Manhattan (where I live). The closest one is a good 35-40 minutes away, by subway, in Brooklyn. We were quite excited to visit. Next to it is Buffalo Bills Wild Wings. YUM!!! 44 cent wings on Tuesday nights. (Alex and my favorite things to eat on Tuesday nights. But not Kathy. Ask her where she gets her wings.) It seemed like everyone in NY went to Target that night. Checkout lines #1-22 all long and slow.
After dinner, I went out to a club with a friend. It was her friend's friend's birthday party. I was a bit apprehensive of going out without my usual party peeps. Cuz no one has a good time like we do, right chicas?! But in the name of new adventures, I've started a new attitude: who cares who else goes or what the circumstance is, “I'm gonna have me a good time, no matter what.” Before I leave the house, I declare it, check my attitude and am out the door. So far it's worked. Luckily, my friend also likes to dance, so it was really fun. Truly fun. Not fun-because-I-stayed-positive fun. My post-club eateries have evolved through the years. In college, after going out, we'd go to Dennys. After college, when I moved back to the SGV area, we'd hit up the Asian cafes or the bacon wrapped hotdogs in LA. In NYC, you know where people go? They get Middle Eastern food! They have carts/stands and there are lines and lines. (6th and 53rd) It reminded me a bit of Pinks. You get this round aluminum dish of steaming hot rice and chicken or lamb. (You don't eat meat? Ok I make you lamb. Oompa!) There's a white sauce and a FIREY red hot sauce. Mix it all up and OMFG (oh my freakin goodness) it was sooo good. Idk, (I dunno or I don't know) maybe it was because I was starving or maybe it was THAT good. It hit the spot. Took a cab home and nighty night!
I won't tell you what I did Sunday, cuz it's just gonna be too long. Oh ok, I want to. Just don't read it or skim if you want. For those of you reading it and made it thus far...thanks! Woke up to go to church and was soo tired. Church starts at 10:30. One hour earlier than what I'm accustomed to at Evergreen. Man that one hour makes a huge difference. Probably doesn't help that I got in bed late the night before. Haha. Church was good. Worship is wonderful. I'm in awe of musicians and what they can create. It was such a treat at Evergreen when Ian or Christiana played the violin. Here at TGC (Trinity Grace Church) there has been a cello for the past three Sundays that I've attended. I love it.
After church we went to Babycakes. YUM! Delicious desserts. The owner was on Martha Stewart!
For dinner I had Italian at friend's apartment. For dessert, we had coffee ice cream and Beard Papa's and cheesecake. HAHA, no Pearlin, I don't have a sweet tooth.
I've been in NY for 3 weeks now. I wake up around 9ish and get up after my roommate leaves for work. As she gets ready for work, I feel like a bum, lying in bed, wrapped up in my lovely down comforter. But deep down, I am slightly glad I can technically get up whenever I want (shhhh...don't tell employers). I might go on a run or do some pilates or yoga in the living room. One morning I did 500 jumping jacks. I eat breakfast or lunch depending on what time it is and what's in the fridge. I also have some quiet time. Then I empty the dish washer. As I'm putting away the dishes, utensils, pot (we only have one that we use) and pans, I think the same thing every morning: “I'm the housewife, while my roommates have gone off to work.” But interesting... I still have to pay the rent. I continue getting ready for the day, waiting for my daily morning call from Alex. We talk while he makes his 30 minute commute to work. When (if) I get a job, we won't be able to enjoy our morning talk. It's my goal to be ready by the time we hang up, so that I'm out the door by noonish. Yes! What the heck did I do from the time I got up, 9:30ish, until noon?! Goes to show, when you've got time, you sure move at a leisurely pace.
Every day I head somewhere in search of internet. I made a friend who works at home, so I've gone over there once to job search. I guess one good thing about not having internet at home (yup can you believe that?!) is it makes me get out of the house. Or else, I'd probably stay in pjs the whole day. It's my way of getting to explore the city, as I visit new free wifi places. There are so many in the city. Sometimes when I'm lazy and don't want to go deal with the hassle of looking for that new place, I go to one of the five Starbucks near my place. They're just so close. But most of the time, I don't buy something bc those drinks would add up and I'm unemployed! I make sure to switch around the stores that I frequent and hope they don't start recognizing me. Or even worse, conversing with each other. “Hey! Did you see that little Asian on the laptop in the corner? She didn't buy anything again, huh?” “Oh I know! John from store #53 was saying the same thing yesterday. That this girl with this huge PC and huge laptop backpack came in and just camped out.”
It's a funny dilemma because on the previous day, I need to remember to look up the location. If I forget, I obviously can't look it up the morning, at my apartment. I need internet to find internet.
There's a lovely feeling that washes over me when I reach my spot for the day, have my laptop open and the wifi connection is made. Ahhhh...connected with the world. I send out emails to make contacts and follow up with previous emails, I search corporate websites and job websites for postings. I respond to postings, send out resumes, update my resume, write cover letters. I spend about 4-6 hours online. Of course in between that there is chatting, FBing, shopping, recipe hunting, etc.
If I go to the library, some branches close around 5 or 6. If I go to a cafe, I have stayed til 7 or 8. Then I'll head home to make dinner or go out for dinner with people. Other activities I may enjoy include: hang out with someone, go Bhangra dancing (paying tribute to SlumDog Millionare), read a book, watch a video, go to the mid-week church meeting, journal, clean my room, etc. This is what I mean about down time. Gotta love it.
Then....comes the weekend. Yay! That's when other people are also free. I allow myself to take a break job searching, my “job.” I've spent three weekends in NY and they have been soo much fun.
I’m definitely getting what I wished for. I wanted down time and I’m getting it. My calendar is not full. Ask me to hang out and I don’t need to look at my calendar. Ask me what I’m doing tomorrow (or even tonight) and most likely, I’m free. It’s refreshing. Normally I need to schedule a week in advance. It was a must to consult a calendar, in the event of double booking, but not the past two weeks. Kinda of amusing, isn’t it? Move to NYC, the city that never sleeps, and I'm enjoying down time. I love it. It's quite refreshing.
I feel a weight on my shoulders to find work, to have an income. But I’m also trying to balance that with enjoying MY schedule. No alarm clocks. Meals at whatever time I so desire. Don’t have to wait til recess to use the restroom (my favorite!). Funny, sometimes when I need to pee, I am still grateful that I can go the instant the need is there.
Did you realize teachers have to hold their pee?! Imagine that! Not being able to meet a basic need. Yes, I had to hold my pee. No wonder teachers can be cranky. I got pretty good at timing it and allowing myself to drink water only at specific times. But on the days where I was really thirsty or my throat was just soo parched from chastising a kid (just kidding! Haha) I’d drink and drink. Gulp, gulp, ahhh, water tastes so good, until…oh no! 20 minutes til recess?! There was one instance where I had been waiting for approx 40 minutes. An aide was supposed to come into my room, but he was late! He was coming from a colleague’s classroom. So I called her classroom, asking her, “Where is the aide?!” My fear was he was actually absent and not coming to relieve me.
My prayer request is for God’s guidance. When I was in the classroom, I was wondering, what else is out there? After pondering for 7(!) years, I finally felt like it was the right timing to follow my passion of printed materials, reading, words, the written language, etc. It’s been 9 (!) months since I packed up my classroom and I’ve had one job interview. (sigh) I’ve definitely learned a lot about job hunting and have developed networking skills. Since being here, when I see kids or walk by a school, I feel a slight tug, awww, I miss them. Of course I don’t miss the stress of the administrative/paperwork side of teaching, but I miss being with the kids. Nurturing them, motivating, building confidence, teaching. All the stuff I got to do as a substitute teacher. I really enjoy substitute teaching.
And now, 9 months later (almost one school year)…the timing of my career change sucks. Yup, no sugar coating it. It just SUCKS. Being an editor at a publishing company. Isn’t it perfect for me? Being around books, being a part of creating something I appreciate so much? But yesterday I resorted to looking up tutor jobs and it lead to also finding nanny/tutor jobs. The feeling I got from reading the job descriptions was, “Oh! I’m actually qualified! My resume is ready for this job.” I feel a sense of excitement looking at publishing jobs, but the down side: it’s still a career change. It’s an employers’ market. They have so many people to choose from. Of course they’re going to hire the one that’s had the corporate experience. Why train a newbie? So here I go guys, being nanny to rich spoiled brats of the Upper East Side. (Think Gossip Girls).
