Some thoughts

March 16, 2009

I sure am enjoying myself here in NYC. I'm loving the fact that I'm getting my down time because I don't have many commitments, not very involved in extracurricular activities and don't have that many friends yet. And for sure I'm getting out, too. It's spontaneous hanging out. There's practically a chance to go out every day! I've met so many nice people and I get along well with my roommate. My apartment is nice and clean and I love the view from my window. I feel so thankful.

Tearful moments of missing LA have been replaced by a heavy brick of worry in my stomach. In the mornings, I lie in bed for a few minutes stressing over the fact that I don't have an income. Every time I hand over cash or my card, I feel a nagging feeling. Money going out, none coming in. Sigh...

When friends talk about their incompetent co-workers, I think, “What? How did that person get a job and I don't have one?!” There are so many idiots out there that have jobs, how do I not have one? What good is my degree? What good is my teaching credential? They're good for nothings. Yes, I know it all: it will happen, give it time, God provides, it's the economy, the publishing industry is struggling right now, blah blah.. blah blah...blah blah.

Does God just want my professional life to always be a thorn in my side? I don't know many of my friends who have had such frustrating professional paths. I have these professional dreams and I want to achieve them. That's not too much to ask for. I don't want celebrity status or a Bentley. I don't want to become a duchess or own my own island. I'm not a murderer or a burglar. All I want is a freakin job. Am I doing something wrong? Am I not aggressive enough? Is it my resume? Augh! Some days I just want to chuck my laptop across the room. It takes so much to be persistent and to keep on trekking. Well, if anything, I know I went broke enjoying myself in NYC. I'll look back knowing I got to live in such an awesome city for awhile.