Recent conversations with God

So at church, I loved the song by David Crowder. “Come to the water's edge...” It brought tears to my eyes because on the way to church, I was REALLY wishing that I was heading to Evergreen. I missed my friends, but Jesus is my friend. Thank you, Jesus! Yes I'm thirsty for You. You who doesn't change, who is the same in LA and NY, You pursue me out of pure love. And what am I going to do about that?

The fool builds house on sand, wise man on rock. The fool may be a Christian, contrary to my instinctive image of the fool. The fool can be someone who knows and loves God, who attends church, has fellowship, does good and listens to sermons, but does nothing. That's me, I'm a fool. What do I do?? I've done nothing. I'm a fool. Wow, realizing that was a big. Lord, I don't want to be a fool. If I fill my days to try to be a wise woman, I will not obsessively stress over life: finding work, depleting my savings, plaguing people to be my friend...

I've been angry at God because I'm convinced I obeyed Him and took a leap of faith to quit my teaching job and move to NY to pursue employment in publishing. I expected Him to reward me. I'm learning 'patience' in a new light. "His timing, not my timing" has new meaning to me.

Mary called me this Saturday, immediately after a very upsetting morning and He spoke to me through her. In the past couple of months, I've thankfully have had several interviews. (Yay!) But in my conversation with Mary, I realized that every time I've an interview, I put soo much pressure on myself thinking, "Ok, Amanda, this is it! You're going to get a job! You need to ace this interview!" I get so excited and wound up. Obviously, I haven't landed a job yet and I was feeling very discouraged, asking myself, what's the point of all this?! But those jobs were not meant for me. God's plan doesn't include those positions and He is allowing me to practice interviewing. I need to let go and trust God that He has not left me.