Monday, May 4, 2009

Sooo hungry...

Friday, May 1, 2009

I hadn't eaten since 10:30 am and it was almost 8 at night. I had been busy all day and although I had made some chicken pasta, I couldn't eat it. I had put it in a plastic container and shoved it in my purse around 5:30pm. But I was at a career workshop and had stupidly decided to sit near the front. So I didn't want to be rude and take out my dinner. My interpretation of "Money burns a hole in your pocket" was "Chicken pasta dinner burning a hole in my purse." The workshop ran a little over and I had been looking forward to eating afterwards, but I couldn't because I had to meet some friends to see some other friends in a music performance. GRRR! I was soo hungry! :( My stomach was eating itself. To add to the frustration, I (along with the other attendees) COULD NOT find our way out of the building. It was soo strange and annoying. The UP and DOWN stairs were not next to each other, so we could see the UP stairs that we took, but could not find the DOWN. FINALLY I found my way out towards the lobby and I was running so late for the show! Walking out, I passed the front desk and spied the same platter of cookies that I had seen on my way in, but the platter was more empty and many cookies had been eaten during the time that I was in the career workshop. To me that meant: The food had very recently been eaten and it was safe. Did I take a cookie? No, because next to it was a box of pizza! I glanced around (no one in sight) and opened the box. Half a pizza left with a variety of toppings!! Some cheese only, some pepperoni, some veggie with artichokes!! YUM!! "Should I? No...but I'm starving and I love pizza!" Haha, I took a slice of cheese pizza. I wanted the veggie, but the veggies were messy and I couldn't eat and run with it (disadvantages of not being able to eat quickly). I hesitated a sec to just pick off a fat piece of artichoke, but out of the corner of my eye, saw a man approach and rushed off before he could ask me what the heck I was doing. As I was speed walking to the subway station, I kept thinking of my sister's warning, "Be careful! Wash your hands to prevent contracting swine flu!" Haha, this was beyond washing my hands! BUT...the pizza HAD to be safe because cookies sitting right next to the pizza box had been eaten, so it wasn't like this supply of food was being used as a science experiment and was contaminated with chemicals...right? Well, it's been a few days and I feel fine...except I've been plagued with this insatiable appetite. OMG!! I just realized, did I eat a tapeworm?!

Recent conversations with God

So at church, I loved the song by David Crowder. “Come to the water's edge...” It brought tears to my eyes because on the way to church, I was REALLY wishing that I was heading to Evergreen. I missed my friends, but Jesus is my friend. Thank you, Jesus! Yes I'm thirsty for You. You who doesn't change, who is the same in LA and NY, You pursue me out of pure love. And what am I going to do about that?

The fool builds house on sand, wise man on rock. The fool may be a Christian, contrary to my instinctive image of the fool. The fool can be someone who knows and loves God, who attends church, has fellowship, does good and listens to sermons, but does nothing. That's me, I'm a fool. What do I do?? I've done nothing. I'm a fool. Wow, realizing that was a big. Lord, I don't want to be a fool. If I fill my days to try to be a wise woman, I will not obsessively stress over life: finding work, depleting my savings, plaguing people to be my friend...

I've been angry at God because I'm convinced I obeyed Him and took a leap of faith to quit my teaching job and move to NY to pursue employment in publishing. I expected Him to reward me. I'm learning 'patience' in a new light. "His timing, not my timing" has new meaning to me.

Mary called me this Saturday, immediately after a very upsetting morning and He spoke to me through her. In the past couple of months, I've thankfully have had several interviews. (Yay!) But in my conversation with Mary, I realized that every time I've an interview, I put soo much pressure on myself thinking, "Ok, Amanda, this is it! You're going to get a job! You need to ace this interview!" I get so excited and wound up. Obviously, I haven't landed a job yet and I was feeling very discouraged, asking myself, what's the point of all this?! But those jobs were not meant for me. God's plan doesn't include those positions and He is allowing me to practice interviewing. I need to let go and trust God that He has not left me.

Funny tricks I played on myself

April 6, 2007

Before I left NY, I was reluctant to be gone for so long. Over a week in CA! I already missed NY and wished I wasn't going to be gone for so long. I had to tell some NY people that I couldn't hang out w/ them until my return. I'm actually quite surprised that I made the few friends that I've made this quickly. After being in NY for about a month, I was starting to really enjoy it. When vacationing, I sometimes feel like I have to cram soo much into just a few days. However, I feel like I've been leisurely vacationing this past month (partly thanks to being unemployed), exploring the sights and eating my way through the city.

BUT...after being in CA for a week, I couldn't bring myself to even imagine going back to NY, to the loneliness, to the feeling of lack of support from not having a community here. I enjoyed many beer commercial moments in CA. Bike riding at Huntington Beach was awesome. Balboa Island was beautiful, singing “Part of Your World” from Little Mermaid at Elvis karaoke, spring rolls at OC dinner (I did the dishes, of course), Taiwanese slush at Class 302, running on the streets of Arcadia and Pasadena, being in a car(!), learning about prayer at small group, catching up with friends at Bodega Wine Bar, playing with my baby cousin and his new baby brother, dining at Lawry's with family and enjoying delicious homemade Vietnamese food. I even said good bye to my dry cleaning lady too. Last month when I was leaving LA, I knew in the back of my mind that I'd be back in about 30 days. It seemed a bit temporary. But this time, it's much more permanent. I'm bringing over the rest of my belongings, including my summer clothes. Why did you guys make my visit so fun?! How am I going to leave? I'm going to miss everyone so much. Do I have to start over in NY again? If this trip to LA did anything, it confirmed my desire to stay away from CA for only a short while.

I hadn't realized this, but getting picked up from the airport is really nice! On my return back to NY, I waited over an hour for the shuttle to arrive and coldly drop me off on the curb in front of my building. It was such a lonely feeling, compared to the week before when Alex picked me up within minutes of getting my luggage and his warm reception.

The saving grace was knowing that Pearlin and John were already here in NY. And then a few days after their departure, my former coworkers from Monroe would arrive. It was a nice way to ease back into the city. It was so nice to have them here. It's great to have LA people see my NY life. It helps with staying connected. I feel as if I stay connected as much as possible, it will help the transition and the move back to LA. Ha ha, I'm already thinking of moving back. That's me. LOVE traveling, but LOVE being “home,” wherever home may be.

InterVarsity Press Multi-Ethnic Publishing Seminar

Friday, March 27, 2009

It was wonderful!! All the participants agreed that it was such an awesome experience. There were about 20 of us and we're all FB friends now. We all were so thankful to be able to attend and so grateful to be on the receiving end of such great efforts. The staff put soo much work into it. It was informative, organized, fun, encouraging, energizing and a confirmation that I want to go into publishing. (And they feed us soo well! I did not know the feeling of hunger throughout the couple of days there.) I learned about the various departments of publishing and got to speak with people that do what I want to do. I hadn't given much thought to working with a Christian publishing company, but being there, it was quite refreshing to be with people who share the same foundation. It's awesome to pray together with co-workers. To be able to gathering for prayer with my professional peers would be really cool! Praise God for such an amazing opportunity. It really inspired me.

Some thoughts

March 16, 2009

I sure am enjoying myself here in NYC. I'm loving the fact that I'm getting my down time because I don't have many commitments, not very involved in extracurricular activities and don't have that many friends yet. And for sure I'm getting out, too. It's spontaneous hanging out. There's practically a chance to go out every day! I've met so many nice people and I get along well with my roommate. My apartment is nice and clean and I love the view from my window. I feel so thankful.

Tearful moments of missing LA have been replaced by a heavy brick of worry in my stomach. In the mornings, I lie in bed for a few minutes stressing over the fact that I don't have an income. Every time I hand over cash or my card, I feel a nagging feeling. Money going out, none coming in. Sigh...

When friends talk about their incompetent co-workers, I think, “What? How did that person get a job and I don't have one?!” There are so many idiots out there that have jobs, how do I not have one? What good is my degree? What good is my teaching credential? They're good for nothings. Yes, I know it all: it will happen, give it time, God provides, it's the economy, the publishing industry is struggling right now, blah blah.. blah blah...blah blah.

Does God just want my professional life to always be a thorn in my side? I don't know many of my friends who have had such frustrating professional paths. I have these professional dreams and I want to achieve them. That's not too much to ask for. I don't want celebrity status or a Bentley. I don't want to become a duchess or own my own island. I'm not a murderer or a burglar. All I want is a freakin job. Am I doing something wrong? Am I not aggressive enough? Is it my resume? Augh! Some days I just want to chuck my laptop across the room. It takes so much to be persistent and to keep on trekking. Well, if anything, I know I went broke enjoying myself in NYC. I'll look back knowing I got to live in such an awesome city for awhile.

Stalker and Scam

Friday, March 13, 2009

Today I went to the library for internet. I sat down at the only table with outlets, meant for computer usage. It fit four people and I was the 4th person. I was using a paper and pencil calendar and was also using my laptop. A guy diagonal from me said, “Interesting how with all this technology, we still sometimes use the traditional calendars.” I had various ways I could've responded and decided to be a bit conversational by saying, “Yes, it's a calendar that teachers use." Apparently that was an open invitation to converse for an indefinite amount of time. He proceeded to continuously bother me by making random comments about random things. He even showed me his computer screen and wanted me to look at some picture of some guy holding a bag of money. “Who cares!” I thought. About 30 minutes pass and the man sitting next to me got up and left. So Diagonal Guy started to shove his laptop over to the empty space (to be able to sit next to me), just at the same time, a new person was going to sit down and take the empty spot. Diagonal Guy said, “Oh I'm going to sit there.” I was quickly trying to think of something to say, (anything!), to get the new person to take the seat and prevent the Diagonal Guy from sitting next to me. I was trying to channel my thoughts: NO, SIT HERE! PLEASE! PROTECT ME! Unfortunately, my mind was too slow to think of something appropriate enough to say aloud and Diagonal Guy sat down next to me. He assumed I was a teacher and asked me more annoying questions.

About 20 minutes pass. He asked, “How long you going to be here? Want to have some coffee after this?”

“No.”

He pressed further, “Then where do you want to go?”

OMG!! At that moment he earned the name “Creepy.” What part of 'no' did he not understand?

I said, “No where. I don't want to go anywhere with you.”

Quiet. Then he said, “Wow, that's a dis.”

Me, “Well, I just want to be straight forward.”

Quiet. Then he was pissed. Angry mumblings from him, “I used to be a DJ in Spain. I don't need advice on how to date. Blah blah blah...Do you know who I am?”

Many minutes pass.

I was snacking on crackers. He says, “Those are crackers, huh? They're healthy, huh? But a little salty?” OMG, he's watching me! That's when I realized he can see my computer screen. My resume's up and he can see my full name, address, phone number, my friends' names (I'm on gmail, too)...3 weeks in NY and I found myself a stalker?! Should I leave? NO! I came here to do some work and I'm gonna do some work, dangit! I'm not gonna let some creep chase me away.

Time passed and I was getting work done. Still, my mind was thinking. I was really hoping someone I knew would walk by. Haha, what are the chances of that, being that I barely know that many people here. I even texted one of my friends to see if he was nearby, no such luck. Since I had eaten crackers, I guess was subconsciously kinda running my tongue along my teeth and he leaned over, “Something wrong with your tongue?” EW!! It had been a good 30 minutes and after all that time, he was STILL watching me?!

Later, when I was telling this story to my roommate, she asked me, why didn't you say really loudly, “Leave me alone! I have a boyfriend!” Gee, what a good idea! Why the heck didn't I think of that? Idk! haha

Later, Creepy spied another girl at the table next to us and got up to talk to her twice. She smiled and they had a nice conversations in Spanish. WTH? How come he has to be Creepy with me? And normal with her? Do I just bring it out in people?

About an hour or two later, the library made the announcement that they were going to close. I decided to leave when there were still people around and the library wasn't deserted yet. So I packed up and booked it out of there. Funny thing is there are soo many people walking around in the streets. Nothing to be worried about. I got home ok and there haven't been any suspicious activity in the past few days. Whew...sigh of relief.

…....................................................................

I responded to a Craig's List posting, looking for a tutor. The guy is from Florida, but living in Scotland with his wife and children. His 14 year old son was going to be in the states for a month. He wanted me to tutor him in English, Math and Physics, one hour, three times a week, for one month. We corresponded about three times and in each of his emails, his grammar got noticeably worse and worse. Dude, I'll throw in a bonus and tutor you and your son! Haha. I emailed him my tutor rates and he agreed to pay me up front for one month. I found it a bit strange to commit for one month even before one session. He barely asked me questions about academics and seemed to not care that I told him TWICE that I specialize in only english and math. Another strange thing, he was going to have a third party pay me. Per his instuctions, I was to use the money to purchase materials, then return left over money to his child's nanny. What?! I did not understand, especially with his poor grammar, it was so confusing. So the last correspondence was my email sent to him stating that typically I tutor one session, before we commit to any long term arrangements and pay is normally bi-weekly, instead of monthly. Plus I asked for clarification on his strange method of payment. Never heard from him again.

Guess what? It's a scam! The link below describes the scam to the exact details! Scroll down to #4 to see the email that I received.


http://parents.berkeley.edu/recommend/tutors/scam.html

Thursday, March 19, 2009

This past weekend

Monday, March 16, 2008

I went to Brooklyn with my roommate and her friend. Hmm...you think it'd be ok if I started calling her my friend too? Brooklyn's different from the city. It's cute. It's a bit quieter, more residential areas, less tall buildings, more brownstones. People talk about this energy in the city (where I live) and it's true. The streets are noisy with traffic and the sidewalks full of people walking hurriedly. It's cool, but it's very nice to get away. I'm think I'm a suburbs girl at heart. We just walked around, window shopped. Stupidly, we had some fro-yo. After that, we walked outside and it was so cold, I thought my head was going to explode. Seriously, some of you may not understand that feeling, but my roommate did. We walked to S'Nice (sandwich/bakery/coffee shop), in search of warm drinks. I had some hot apple cider and it was wonderful. It thawed out my limbs.

Then we went to Target. There aren't any in Manhattan (where I live). The closest one is a good 35-40 minutes away, by subway, in Brooklyn. We were quite excited to visit. Next to it is Buffalo Bills Wild Wings. YUM!!! 44 cent wings on Tuesday nights. (Alex and my favorite things to eat on Tuesday nights. But not Kathy. Ask her where she gets her wings.) It seemed like everyone in NY went to Target that night. Checkout lines #1-22 all long and slow.

After dinner, I went out to a club with a friend. It was her friend's friend's birthday party. I was a bit apprehensive of going out without my usual party peeps. Cuz no one has a good time like we do, right chicas?! But in the name of new adventures, I've started a new attitude: who cares who else goes or what the circumstance is, “I'm gonna have me a good time, no matter what.” Before I leave the house, I declare it, check my attitude and am out the door. So far it's worked. Luckily, my friend also likes to dance, so it was really fun. Truly fun. Not fun-because-I-stayed-positive fun. My post-club eateries have evolved through the years. In college, after going out, we'd go to Dennys. After college, when I moved back to the SGV area, we'd hit up the Asian cafes or the bacon wrapped hotdogs in LA. In NYC, you know where people go? They get Middle Eastern food! They have carts/stands and there are lines and lines. (6th and 53rd) It reminded me a bit of Pinks. You get this round aluminum dish of steaming hot rice and chicken or lamb. (You don't eat meat? Ok I make you lamb. Oompa!) There's a white sauce and a FIREY red hot sauce. Mix it all up and OMFG (oh my freakin goodness) it was sooo good. Idk, (I dunno or I don't know) maybe it was because I was starving or maybe it was THAT good. It hit the spot. Took a cab home and nighty night!

I won't tell you what I did Sunday, cuz it's just gonna be too long. Oh ok, I want to. Just don't read it or skim if you want. For those of you reading it and made it thus far...thanks! Woke up to go to church and was soo tired. Church starts at 10:30. One hour earlier than what I'm accustomed to at Evergreen. Man that one hour makes a huge difference. Probably doesn't help that I got in bed late the night before. Haha. Church was good. Worship is wonderful. I'm in awe of musicians and what they can create. It was such a treat at Evergreen when Ian or Christiana played the violin. Here at TGC (Trinity Grace Church) there has been a cello for the past three Sundays that I've attended. I love it.

After church we went to Babycakes. YUM! Delicious desserts. The owner was on Martha Stewart!

For dinner I had Italian at friend's apartment. For dessert, we had coffee ice cream and Beard Papa's and cheesecake. HAHA, no Pearlin, I don't have a sweet tooth.