Down time

Tuesday, March 11, 2009

I’m definitely getting what I wished for. I wanted down time and I’m getting it. My calendar is not full. Ask me to hang out and I don’t need to look at my calendar. Ask me what I’m doing tomorrow (or even tonight) and most likely, I’m free. It’s refreshing. Normally I need to schedule a week in advance. It was a must to consult a calendar, in the event of double booking, but not the past two weeks. Kinda of amusing, isn’t it? Move to NYC, the city that never sleeps, and I'm enjoying down time. I love it. It's quite refreshing.

I feel a weight on my shoulders to find work, to have an income. But I’m also trying to balance that with enjoying MY schedule. No alarm clocks. Meals at whatever time I so desire. Don’t have to wait til recess to use the restroom (my favorite!). Funny, sometimes when I need to pee, I am still grateful that I can go the instant the need is there.

Did you realize teachers have to hold their pee?! Imagine that! Not being able to meet a basic need. Yes, I had to hold my pee. No wonder teachers can be cranky. I got pretty good at timing it and allowing myself to drink water only at specific times. But on the days where I was really thirsty or my throat was just soo parched from chastising a kid (just kidding! Haha) I’d drink and drink. Gulp, gulp, ahhh, water tastes so good, until…oh no! 20 minutes til recess?! There was one instance where I had been waiting for approx 40 minutes. An aide was supposed to come into my room, but he was late! He was coming from a colleague’s classroom. So I called her classroom, asking her, “Where is the aide?!” My fear was he was actually absent and not coming to relieve me.

My prayer request is for God’s guidance. When I was in the classroom, I was wondering, what else is out there? After pondering for 7(!) years, I finally felt like it was the right timing to follow my passion of printed materials, reading, words, the written language, etc. It’s been 9 (!) months since I packed up my classroom and I’ve had one job interview. (sigh) I’ve definitely learned a lot about job hunting and have developed networking skills. Since being here, when I see kids or walk by a school, I feel a slight tug, awww, I miss them. Of course I don’t miss the stress of the administrative/paperwork side of teaching, but I miss being with the kids. Nurturing them, motivating, building confidence, teaching. All the stuff I got to do as a substitute teacher. I really enjoy substitute teaching.

And now, 9 months later (almost one school year)…the timing of my career change sucks. Yup, no sugar coating it. It just SUCKS. Being an editor at a publishing company. Isn’t it perfect for me? Being around books, being a part of creating something I appreciate so much? But yesterday I resorted to looking up tutor jobs and it lead to also finding nanny/tutor jobs. The feeling I got from reading the job descriptions was, “Oh! I’m actually qualified! My resume is ready for this job.” I feel a sense of excitement looking at publishing jobs, but the down side: it’s still a career change. It’s an employers’ market. They have so many people to choose from. Of course they’re going to hire the one that’s had the corporate experience. Why train a newbie? So here I go guys, being nanny to rich spoiled brats of the Upper East Side. (Think Gossip Girls).